The job hunt begins (or, continues, since I've already been doing it for a week)

I have been applying for jobs all morning. Shh...I know it's only 9:45, but it's really hard. They say that looking for work is a full time job, but it's the worst job in the world. I'd rather be on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor of a public toilet using my own hair as a mop. At least I'd be getting paid for it, and I'd actually be doing something.
I've been out of university for just over a week, and already I feel very overwhelmed with the huge amount of jobs that...don't exist. I recently applied for what sounded like a fantastic internship, an editing/publishing/creative writing role, 12 month placement, salaried, in Hampshire - which is where I live! And I got a response back saying they liked my CV and wanted to talk with me about my application. I thought 'this is great! There must be a catch!' and unsurprisingly, there was. It turns out Hampshire is a huge county, and this internship happened to be at the opposite end to the one I live in. It would have cost me at least £30 to travel there each day, and taken about two hours each way with two different trains, a bus, and a walk. So I had to turn it down. If only I had learnt to drive back in college when everyone else was doing it. "Heh," I thought smugly, "they're just doing it to be cool and trendy. I don't need to drive!" But it turns out they had it right all along, because half these jobs specify a driving licence as one of their requirements, and the other half are in such obscure places that I have no hope of getting there without a car.
But it's fine! Really! I'm thinking positive!
I'm going to attempt to get a retail job for the next year or so, hopefully without seeming overqualified (since I know they're not stupid, they obviously look at graduates and think 'pfft, jog on' because they know we're only going to stick with them until something better comes along), and when I have a steady little wage coming in I'll learn to drive and get a crap car with which to drive to proper jobs with.
Anyway, today isn't all bad. I'm going to meet up with my friend Gary in a while. It's his birthday so we're going out for lunch and a catch up, since last time I saw him I hadn't even thought about my dissertation, and now it's been handed in and is probably being marked right this minute along with my exam papers and various other assignments. I like to use my dissertation as a unit of measurement. About two weeks before they were due in, my friend Claire sent me a text which said: 'I just realised...there is a packet of mini sausages in the fridge that has a longer deadline than our dissertations.'